Not Just another Blog Post – A Post from the Best Man

Best man here.  Not just another good or great man – The Best Man.  Followed by an eerie godly light whenever I wear a tuxedo and along with my ability to clean myself up so well, I am sure these are the main reasons I was chosen as Jackson’s best man.

Jeff and the eerie, godly light that follows him around whenever he wears a tuxedo

If you met Jackson before his university years, you knew him as Tom.  So that’s who I’ll be blogging about today.  It took Tom until much later in life to realize his first name rhymed with things like Action, Attraction and Satisfaction.  I first met Tom in high school chemistry class.  I don’t recall the details of it but I probably made some kind of obnoxious poop, fart or dick joke and Tom thought to himself “Hey, this guys alright.”  And once I found out that his Mom had a hot tub, our friendship was set.  Little did I know he was just using me for my brains but little did he know I was just using him for the hot tub.  It was a good arrangement which eventually led us to today – Me as the best man in his wedding.

Well Tom certainly is a character.  You may not know this, but Tom has been lead singer of many bands throughout his late teen and early adult years, and even continues his musical career to this day.  If you ever hear someone crooning at your window late at night and think “Is that Gowan?” you won’t be far off – It’s Tom Wilson.  As Tom mentioned in an earlier blog, we even started a band together with our friend Scott called the Suckwads.  Later in our career (several hours later) we changed our band name to Ass-notes and the Shitty Beats.  The band broke up later that night – We weren’t very good.  I think we spent too much time thinking of a name than actually playing.

Tom and I are both huge hockey fans.  Unfortunately for Tom he is a Canadiens fan.  (I noticed this is a bit of a trend with the wedding party too, and I have to say I am sorry for you all).  I have witnessed many a Habs loss with Tom present and I can’t say I envy Loretta after a game where his team loses.  At least I can send Tom home after a big loss… But on those miracle nights when the Habs actually win, Loretta must feel like the luckiest little girl in the world.  Together Tom and I have witnessed many great hockey events such as my Penguins winning the cup in ’09, Crosby scoring the golden goal for Canada, and very soon I will take the winning $200 from the hockey pool Tom set up this year.

(Poop Warning)  After reading the Maid of Honour’s blog a week or so ago, one thing that Tawnyah wrote about Tom stood out to me.  She said he is “one of those rare people that their shit actually doesn’t stink.”  This struck me as a bit odd and made me seriously wonder if she was talking about the same Tom I know.  Maybe I’m just taking things a bit too literally, but the Tom I know can’t turn around without taking a shitty poop.  “Hey Tom, where were you for the last 5 minutes?”  and with a thumbs up and a grin he would reply “Poopin’!”  Then he would go on to describe it in detail… Well at least he is efficient at it.  Then he would disappear again another 30 minutes later.  Efficient and frequent.  In fact if you scroll to the top of this blog and look at the pic of Tom and Loretta you can kind of tell that Tom is holding one back.  Tom is also the perfecter of the “fake dump” at work to get an extra break or two.

Alright, that’s enough toilet talk for one blog I think.. but I think in a nutshell that sums up a big part of our friendship.  Now, when Tom told me he was dating a brain surgeon from the internet I’m pretty sure I thought “Wow, great story Tom.”  He told me their first date was riding a tandem bicycle along the beach into the sunset and was a really scrumtrulescent time ;).  That’s when I really knew he was making it up… that’s not even a real word.  But he wasn’t making (some of) it up.  It turned out Loretta was real and lived in London.  She wasn’t actually a surgeon but still pretty brainy… ah-ah-ah.  We Paris folk will still refer to her as the brain surgeon.

It was just the other day that I realized fully and completely Tom was ready to move on from Me to Loretta.  I sent Tom this beauty of a picture:

Their fathers must be so proud

only to find that Loretta had shown Tom the picture a few days earlier.  It may be photoshopped, but still hilarious.  Yes Tom, I think I can now say with conviction that you have found the one.  And as Tawnyah would say, Loretta, I don’t think your shit stinks either.  And yes, I really am restraining myself from typing out another poop joke right now.  I look forward to the wedding speech!

I’ll leave you all with a gem from the past – Tom and I in our high school prime.

Clearly, no one ever accused us of being 'too cool for school' in high school.

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