Not Just another Blog Post – A Post from the Best Man

Best man here.  Not just another good or great man – The Best Man.  Followed by an eerie godly light whenever I wear a tuxedo and along with my ability to clean myself up so well, I am sure these are the main reasons I was chosen as Jackson’s best man.

Jeff and the eerie, godly light that follows him around whenever he wears a tuxedo

If you met Jackson before his university years, you knew him as Tom.  So that’s who I’ll be blogging about today.  It took Tom until much later in life to realize his first name rhymed with things like Action, Attraction and Satisfaction.  I first met Tom in high school chemistry class.  I don’t recall the details of it but I probably made some kind of obnoxious poop, fart or dick joke and Tom thought to himself “Hey, this guys alright.”  And once I found out that his Mom had a hot tub, our friendship was set.  Little did I know he was just using me for my brains but little did he know I was just using him for the hot tub.  It was a good arrangement which eventually led us to today – Me as the best man in his wedding.

Well Tom certainly is a character.  You may not know this, but Tom has been lead singer of many bands throughout his late teen and early adult years, and even continues his musical career to this day.  If you ever hear someone crooning at your window late at night and think “Is that Gowan?” you won’t be far off – It’s Tom Wilson.  As Tom mentioned in an earlier blog, we even started a band together with our friend Scott called the Suckwads.  Later in our career (several hours later) we changed our band name to Ass-notes and the Shitty Beats.  The band broke up later that night – We weren’t very good.  I think we spent too much time thinking of a name than actually playing.

Tom and I are both huge hockey fans.  Unfortunately for Tom he is a Canadiens fan.  (I noticed this is a bit of a trend with the wedding party too, and I have to say I am sorry for you all).  I have witnessed many a Habs loss with Tom present and I can’t say I envy Loretta after a game where his team loses.  At least I can send Tom home after a big loss… But on those miracle nights when the Habs actually win, Loretta must feel like the luckiest little girl in the world.  Together Tom and I have witnessed many great hockey events such as my Penguins winning the cup in ’09, Crosby scoring the golden goal for Canada, and very soon I will take the winning $200 from the hockey pool Tom set up this year.

(Poop Warning)  After reading the Maid of Honour’s blog a week or so ago, one thing that Tawnyah wrote about Tom stood out to me.  She said he is “one of those rare people that their shit actually doesn’t stink.”  This struck me as a bit odd and made me seriously wonder if she was talking about the same Tom I know.  Maybe I’m just taking things a bit too literally, but the Tom I know can’t turn around without taking a shitty poop.  “Hey Tom, where were you for the last 5 minutes?”  and with a thumbs up and a grin he would reply “Poopin’!”  Then he would go on to describe it in detail… Well at least he is efficient at it.  Then he would disappear again another 30 minutes later.  Efficient and frequent.  In fact if you scroll to the top of this blog and look at the pic of Tom and Loretta you can kind of tell that Tom is holding one back.  Tom is also the perfecter of the “fake dump” at work to get an extra break or two.

Alright, that’s enough toilet talk for one blog I think.. but I think in a nutshell that sums up a big part of our friendship.  Now, when Tom told me he was dating a brain surgeon from the internet I’m pretty sure I thought “Wow, great story Tom.”  He told me their first date was riding a tandem bicycle along the beach into the sunset and was a really scrumtrulescent time ;).  That’s when I really knew he was making it up… that’s not even a real word.  But he wasn’t making (some of) it up.  It turned out Loretta was real and lived in London.  She wasn’t actually a surgeon but still pretty brainy… ah-ah-ah.  We Paris folk will still refer to her as the brain surgeon.

It was just the other day that I realized fully and completely Tom was ready to move on from Me to Loretta.  I sent Tom this beauty of a picture:

Their fathers must be so proud

only to find that Loretta had shown Tom the picture a few days earlier.  It may be photoshopped, but still hilarious.  Yes Tom, I think I can now say with conviction that you have found the one.  And as Tawnyah would say, Loretta, I don’t think your shit stinks either.  And yes, I really am restraining myself from typing out another poop joke right now.  I look forward to the wedding speech!

I’ll leave you all with a gem from the past – Tom and I in our high school prime.

Clearly, no one ever accused us of being 'too cool for school' in high school.

Thoughts from A Groomsman – Special Guest Blog

When Miles, one of our ridiculously handsome groomsmen, heard that we were featuring special guest blog authors – he was chomping at the bit to get in on a little bloggy-style (wedding) threesome action! He’s a beauty! Enjoy…

Jackson and I have been great friends since high school. I think it was our mutual admiration for Led Zeppelin that brought us together in Clarkie’s communications class. When you see another dude wearing a Zep t-shirt, you know the guy is good shit.

As the years went on our friendship grew tremendously. This was made even stronger by the fact that we both attended McMaster University at the same time a few years ago filled with lots of coffee rendezvous’ in the Student Centre and mid afternoon beers in the campus bar, Quarters. McMaster’s campus was probably the site of our most epic adventure together, so join me friends, as I describe ‘St. Patty’s Day 2009.’

When we woke up that morning we knew we wanted to get drunk somewhere. We had a vague plan in our minds to go to school, get some beer, and that was basically the extent of it. We arrived on campus around lunch time without the foggiest idea of where we would go or what we would do, all we knew was that beer was needed and it would be consumed. After hitting the Beer Store, we embarked back to campus with backpacks full of beer and nowhere to drink them.  The rest of the day played out like this. After having a quick forest beer we staked out one of the buildings where we waited for Jackson’s friend who lived in res to get out of class. After very little convincing, and the offer of some of our beer, we went back to the res, and consumed the beer. The rest of the evening involved going to a few pubs, and breaking up a domestic disturbance on the street between a guy and his girlfriend. With nowhere to retire to, we slept in my car amid temperatures that reached freezing. Being drunk as it turns out really does make you feel warmer.

This also happened to be a few days before Jackson and Loretta’s first date, and I remember vividly the excitement with which Jackson talked about it. Little did either of us know that that first encounter, a few days later, would be such a momentous occasion in his life. If I can claim any small role in the early success of their relationship, and considering how well it turned out, I think it’s fair to be a little selfish in claiming a role, it would be me lending my boggle board game to Jackson which they played on their first date. If I never owned boggle and couldn’t have lent it to Jackson, who knows what would have happened? Actually, I’m fairly certain things would have turned out just the same, but come on, I can take a little satisfaction out of that can’t I?

I love both of these guys and am so happy that they found each other! I would also like to suggest, for nostalgia sake, that we have a forest beer on your wedding day. No? Probably not? Alright I’ll just drop it then.

Our featured author - Imagine how handsome the male half of the bridal party is going to be if this is only one fifth of the crew. Lookin' good, Miles!

Meet the Cast – Mandatory Blog Post #1 for the Wedding Threesome Contest

Our Wedding Threesome Contest-Masters, Rick from Rick Denham, Jay from Captivate Bridal Cinema, and Mary from WeddingGirl.ca have charged us with our very first mandatory blog topic! They want to know all about our wedding party!

Without further ado, we present the cast of who will be starring in Loretta and Jackson’s big day:

Tawnyah (aka Tawn or T) is Loretta’s Maid of Honor. We met on the Brock cheerleading team. I was a top (the girl who flies in the air) and Tawn was a 3rd on the team (the 3rd is the one who basically protects your back and head), needless to say we became friends instantly and she has saved my life on numerous occasions. After Brock we went on to cheer competitively with an all-star team and travelled all over North America and have even coached our own program. From funny moments at airport security to many 3am adventures (in several different cities) Tawn and I have done it all. Tawn is the life of the party, the fun, free-spirited personality. She has the funniest stories – things that can only happen to her. She will be the one at the wedding who will lighten the mood and calm me down if something goes wrong. However she will not be the one who will keep us on time. Sorry Mary, that has to be your job – if we leave it to Tawn we may not make it to the church (but we’d definitely make it to the after-party)!

Loretta and Tawnyah, our Maid of Honour

 

Jen (aka JZ) is one of our Bridesmaids. JZ and Loretta have known each other since our Brock cheerleading days and then again in all-star cheerleading. We also worked at summer camp together – I of course was the science instructor while JZ worked as the high ropes instructor (basically she was way cooler). No wonder she is currently an elementary school gym teacher.  JZ is our world traveller, from Alaska to Australia, she has been everywhere – and I always get a souvenir. JZ has been on all kinds of crazy adventures with Tawn and me and is probably the best at keeping us from not getting arrested – hopefully she is instrumental in this task at the wedding – she may be able to keep the reception PG13 or at least prevent some streaking in downtown Niagara-on-the-Lake.

JZ in Australia

 

Darby is a bridesmaid and Loretta’s oldest friend. Darby and I go way back… all the way back to Mrs. Trush’s senior kindergarten class.  We grew up together, through elementary school, high school orientation twice at two different high schools, and even went to university together. We have so many memories together growing up including her mooning some boys in another car while my mom was driving us home from the movies to getting lost in the woods on a grade 10 fieldtrip. She is a lovely and brilliant young woman who has gone from student council president to working for the Niagara Region Emergency Management Response Team. On the big day Darby will be our go-to for any emergency situation from having emergency personnel on stand-by in case Jackson passes out to calling in a favour just in case of a winter wedding blizzard (that better not happen)!

Loretta and Darby in a 'wayback playback'

 

Penny is also one of our fabulous bridesmaids. She is the younger sister of the groom (Jackson to me but Tom to her – which leads to all kinds of funny conversations). She also happens to be the proud momma of our ring bearer Jack. Penny is our resident wedding guru. She will be (by our wedding date) a newlywed herself. In addition to planning her own nuptials she is also involved in many other wedding parties this year. We are hoping to be pros after being involved in Penny’s wedding but I’m sure she will be the go-to for all kinds of questions that pop up along the way.

Penny's 'Garth' impression

 

Isabella (aka Bean) is our flowergirl and is the daughter to my brother Andrew and Jhoanna. Isabella was chosen because she loves to be on stage – literally, she will make a stage in the living room and place all of the chairs around and you must sit and watch her perform. We are so excited to see her performance at our wedding. Bean will be instrumental in the seating plan design because if she doesn’t like where you are sitting she will be sure to tell you to ‘get out!’

Bean. She's already picked the right team!

 

Brian our MC is Loretta’s closest and most fav cousin. Brian will be no doubt the BEST MC ever! He is the most hilarious, sarcastic, and quick-witted person you will ever meet. He will do a fantastic job and will be able to ‘roll with the punches’ if something unexpected happens because he is so good on his feet.  Often at weddings, speeches can be a bit dry but Brian will get everyone laughing and engaged. Nothing is ever off limits for Brian and we are looking forward to hearing some of our hilarious adventures together… you may even get to hear the one about locking Loretta’s mom in an outhouse in the middle of night – we’ll see!

Brian, our Emcee 'princess' 😉

 

Jeff – The best man. Jeff and I met during grade 10 chemistry when another friend and I thought it would be a good idea to invite that ‘really smart guy from class’ over to my mom’s so he could help us with studying.  Well, the studying idea kind of backfired as we ended up spending the evening in my mom’s hot tub – wishing we knew some girls who would join us – and not studying at all. Even though I lost out on the good chemistry grades – I gained a really great, lasting friendship. Jeff and I have done many things together – playing hockey, partying, fishing, camping trips, we even had a band together called ‘Ass Notes and the Shitty Beats.’ Jeff was chosen as the ‘main man’ because of our rich history and his capacity to keep me ‘on the level’ – which is certainly going to come in handy as I tend to get a little anxious in important situations. On our day, Jeff will help get the party going as he’s pretty unabashed on the dance floor – some may even say that he’s got moves like Jagger. I can’t wait to hear Jeff’s speech – which he’s been working really hard on, right Jeff?

 

Jackson and Jeff, The Best Man

 

Eric – a.k.a. ‘Miles’ is a groomsman. Miles and I also met in high school – it was in Clarkey’s communications class, the best class ever. Him and I have been known to ‘fire it up’ from time to time. I particularly (sort of) remember him and I having a few (too many) beers on St. Patty’s one year and sleeping in his car. This was actually two days before I met Loretta (with which, Miles actually had a role in!) – I’m sure Miles heard his share of how excited I was to meet her that night. Our friendship really solidified during our time at McMaster University together as we shared a class and many bro-mantic coffee dates on campus. Miles is certainly going to lighten the mood on the day with his quick-witted humour. I’m convinced that he will perform as a stand-up comedian some day.

 

Miles. Thug life

 

Tom – a.k.a. ‘Moonbeam,’ or ‘Beamer’ is a groomsman. Beamer and I met through a friend at my old job and we’ve been ‘toit’ ever since. Beamer and I share many traits – we’re both pale, we have red hair, we’re of similar heritage (pale, red hair, you figure it out!), we love hockey, well-brewed beer and having a good time. Back in our younger days – Beamer and I used to play soccer for 4 hours during the day and then go out and dance until the lights came on. Our idea of a good time (and subsequently, our body shapes) has since evolved somewhat as lately we’ve taken to performing marathon jam sessions with our ‘band’ – Circa 1981. I’m using the word band loosely here – most of us barely play an instrument. Beamer is definitely going to ‘kick it up a notch!’ on our wedding day and make sure that everybody is having a good time. I’m sure we’ll take some notes from our younger selves and dance until the lights come on.

Beamer as Ron Burgundy

 

Andrew – a.k.a ‘Drew.’ Drew knows me as ‘Rocco’ – you’ll have to get him to tell you the story. Who knows, maybe he’ll write a special guest blog about it. Drew is the younger brother of the bride, father of our flower girl and a fellow Montreal Canadiens lover. The first time that Loretta told me about her brother, she told me that he was a habs fan. I knew right away that I was going to like this guy. Drew and I got along pretty well right off the bat – we’ve watched many a sporting event together. I remember the time that Loretta and I came down for the super bowl and Shirl’ (Loretta’s mom) had written ‘Packers’ in green food colouring in the snowbank because she thought everybody was going for the packers. She was pretty disappointed that only Drew was going for the Packers. I told her not to worry as I would gladly write ‘Steelers’ in it’s place using my own yellow-coloured liquid.  As the family liaison, Drew’s jobs will be to help all of our guests have a good time and most importantly, to make sure that he doesn’t Rocco the wedding.

 

Drew definitely Rocco'ed this picture!

 

Jack – a.k.a. ‘the little man.’ Jack is Jackson’s nephew, Penny’s son and our ring bearer. Jack is almost 2 years old and he’s learning so much. According to my sister (Penny), he has recently learned how to feed their dog ‘Kanin’ treats. He knows where the cookies are kept, and he gets one out of the cupboard and stands their yelling “BUBBYYYYYY,” until the dog comes. I think this is pretty darn cool, and I think Kanin probably does too – I doubt either of them get bored of this activity. Jack’s job on our day is to make sure the rings get to the alter – hopefully he doesn’t try to feed them to the dog before he gets there.

Jack, our Ring Bearer. What a cutie!

 

We would like to give a special ‘thanks’ to Facebook for providing us with most of these hilarious photos.